Now

Nike was on to something.  The three words the brand coined together as their famous tagline always plays back as the answer to my lethargy - just do it.

The simplicity and straightforwardness of it makes us question is efficacy.  Surely, getting things done can't be that simple.  After all, we're all just so busy and tired and there are so many other things demanding our attention.

When we look for the answer to the question, how can I do this thing I really care about?, the last thing we wan't to hear is just do it.  

- Just do it how!?

- Just do it.

If there's one thing I've learned about working on my passion projects, it's that the hardest part is getting started.

Our brain is good at coming up with all sorts of things to do other than the thing we've been saying we'll do 'someday'.

The perfect example for me is writing.  If I say that I love writing so much, then why do I ever struggle to find the motivation to do it?  Why do I go down that rabbit hole that is the interweb for an hour before I execute my first key stroke?

What a lot of us are missing is our ability to carry out deep work.

It only makes sense why it is becoming harder for people to be able to concentrate on one task for a long period of time.  These days, there seems to be more distractions, tighter deadlines, and a multitude of little tasks to do.

It's these little tasks that we really need to be aware of.  If not careful, they can trick us into feeling productive.  This is why sometimes at the end of long day you look back and wonder why you didn't accomplish what you wanted to on that big project, but you did however, manage to nearly empty your inbox.

Another reason why we're not getting our projects done may be due to us never putting ourselves first.

Have you ever noticed how much of your time you spend working for others' agendas versus your own?  The bulk of your time may likely be spent on fulfilling the requests of others, especially at a typical work place where you work full time.

In this case, schedule time for yourself.  Consider writing it on your calendar.  Any time that you give to yourself and to your goals is better than no time at all.  If you give yourself just five minutes a day for a year, that's about 30 hours - it adds up.  Or, you may find that you can give yourself one hour per week, say on a Saturday perhaps.   The more time you can chunk together, the easier it'll be to accomplish deep, concentrated work.
 
It can be easy to forget about our future selves too.  The more you put off now, the more you'll have to do later.  Be good to your future self by sharing the load.  What can your 'right-here-right-now' self do to lighten the burden of your future self? 

So this is why we should heed the well known advice of 'Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today.'  When we just jump in and do it, we figure it out as we go.

We know that the feeling of accomplishment is our reward once we complete our work, but when we do the work that truly calls to us, we find that the reward isn't only at the completion, but also in the doing.






"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34

Validation

"Good morning," says one of my coworkers as he enters the office.

I want to say good morning back but he's looking at her, not me, so maybe he isn't wishing me a 'good morning'... maybe he doesn't want to talk to me because he doesn't like me, or maybe he doesn't even notice my presence at all... so I won't say 'good morning' back because I don't want to talk to anyone if they don't want to listen.

I feel plagued by thoughts like these pretty frequently.  One destructive thought after another like a stack of dominos gradually contributing to my undoing until I'm a heap of pieces on the floor. 

The trigger that started it all: a simple 'good morning' said by a fellow coworker who may or may not have directed it toward me.  

We can get into all sorts of trouble when we try to read minds and make assumptions.  So what can we do when we're just dying to know what other people think about us?

Let go.

Sure, if it's appropriate, you can find a delicate approach to communicate your feelings to someone and maybe they'll be open and honest with you.  Whether you ever find out what someone's opinion of you is or not, however, shouldn't matter.  

What matters is what you think of you.  And you can always choose to validate yourself.

Realize that you are a living, breathing, human being and that that is reason enough to be worthy of love.  So start by loving yourself.  Empower yourself.  Lift yourself up with kindness toward yourself because that is what is in your control.      

Obsessions

There are particular subjects that I tend to obsess over for a few weeks at a time before I shift gears and obsess over the next thing.

During those few weeks or so, my brain is on fire.  My intentions on doing the thing I'm obsessing over consumes me - I listen to podcasts about it, read articles about it, see what Google has to say about it, deviate meticulous plans and prepare myself mentally for it.

Recently it's been about minimalism.  So I got rid of bags and bags full of clothes.  Then it was all about going on a sugar detox - again, I researched, made plans, and reduced (not eliminated) sugar from my diet for fifteen out of the thirty days that I intended to.

Whatever the endeavor, it seems to be all about improving myself in some way.  A worthy way to spend my energy, I must say.  There's nothing wrong with wanting to clear the clutter from my life or to get healthier - these are wonderful things to obsess over, right?

Obsessing can often have a negative connotation though. Typically, it's not healthy to obsess over one thing.  After all, life is all about balance.  For example, obsessing over my health (orthorexia) could have adverse effects if I try so hard to be perfect that I actually worsen my health due to stressing out over it.  Or if my obsession becomes more important than the people around me.

But I actually want to talk about obsession as a good thing.  As a matter of fact, I believe we can go deeper, further, with our obsessions - that's where true change can happen.

You see, once these endeavors got hard or I failed, I switched it up and found something else new and exciting, something else I can be hopeful for, to look forward to.  The old thing got hard.  The new thing however, really gives me that hit of dopamine my brain craves so much.  It's still a pretty, little pipe dream.

There's something about failure that I think we're all still afraid of.  No one wants to feel like a failure so as soon as we fail at something, we tend to gravitate toward something that we can't fail at - something abstract like a dream or an idea.

Maybe when things get hard, we can find excitement in our pursuit to overcome the challenge.  When we fail, it just means that we can find new ways of getting where we need to go.

Next time you're tempted to jump ship on something you've spent so much of your time and mental energy pursing, ask yourself what got you excited about it in the first place.

Rekindle the obsession and drudge through the hard parts.  It's okay if you discover later that you're no longer passionate about it, but just give it a chance so that you're not beating yourself up later in life, regretting why you never went for it.  

Let's take our obsessions to the next level and finally discover what's on the other side of that road block.

The Letter

I want to share with you the letter I was referring to in my last entry.  In some of my most vulnerable moments, I like to pull it out and read it, like a sword drawn from the hilt, ready to fight the black dog.

Although personal to me, I invite you to use it for yourself if you find that you relate to it.  Or perhaps it may inspire you to write your own letter to yourself, maybe to your past self who is having a hard time letting go of something that needs to be let go of. 

This is a letter I wrote to my teenage self.  It's everything I needed to hear back then, but the real beauty of it is that it's everything I need to hear now too.



Dear Me,

I urge you to celebrate your differences.  This world is so much bigger than you realize, filled with so many people - some are kind of like those around you and some have many of the same interests as you. 

I want you to remember that everyone is flawed in some way or another.  Try not to go finding these flaws, rather choose to focus on the good qualities.  Everyone has those too. 

Trust your gut.  Have faith in yourself.  Sometimes it will seems hard because people won't always validate or acknowledge you, but that's no reason to give up on yourself. 

Try to understand others by putting yourself in their shoes. 

I guarantee you that there's nothing wrong with you. 

Try not to take anything personal. 

Embrace your introversion.  The world needs introverts like you.  You have a different skillset than your more outgoing, vocal counterparts. 

Understand that there is still so much to discover and know that it's okay not to have all the answers yet.  Just be open to learning and discovery - be open to the journey. 

Any pain that you may feel is not meaningless.  It will keep you grounded, humble and strong.  Getting through this pain will prime you for relating to and helping others get through their pain.

Love yourself unconditionally.  It's okay to love yourself.  Love and respect who you are - even if you feel like you're not sure who you are, because regardless, you deserve love. 

You need to take care of yourself before you are able to best help others. 

Know that the people around you, who you're growing up with - they don't represent everyone whom you'll ever meet.  Love them and invest in the few people who are there for you.  They might not always be there for you, but enjoy the time you have together. 

You can always be there for yourself - lift yourself up.  God will always be there too.  Keep that relationship strong.



When along for ride in this life, sometimes we just have to steer ourselves in the right direction. 

Sometimes we have to close old chapters before we can write new ones.

Looking Back

Isn't it okay to look back sometimes?

Isn’t this why we study history?  To learn from the past?

For the past year, I’ve been on a journey to try and rewire my brain from about 30 years of unhealthy thinking habits.  But because old ways of thinking still creep up from time to time, I find myself needing to revisit the past – to go right to the source. 

In a way, I’m trying to rewrite my history.  Not to be in denial of it and wish it were different, but to imagine taking all the knowledge I have now and giving it to myself back then.  Would if I knew then what I know now?

My therapist gave me an assignment to write my fifteen-year-old-self a letter (Fifteen is about the age when I remember a lot of the pain that I sometimes carry with me today.).  In this letter, I would compassionately tell her the real story; not the story that often gets told – the “Nobody Likes Me” story. 

Even as I write this, a version of that story is playing in the background and it goes something like this:

"Maybe, I don't feel ready or equipped to give her this advice just yet.  After all, I still struggle to separate the past from now.  I feel my life is one big conspiracy.  Everyone, whether they realize it or not, is pre-wired to go against me, to be rude to me, to ignore me, to not like me.  You may think that I’m not that important, but that’s the problem – I can’t seem to accept that just yet.  I don’t ask to be the center of attention, I just want to feel equally loved and cared about as everyone else.  I don’t want fame or popularity, but I do want to be noticed.  I want to matter in everyone’s eyes.  I want all of us to feel included and worthy." 

If you are struggling, like me, to believe that history doesn’t have to repeat itself, that the different choices we make today matter, then that's great, but don’t hold your breath as you read this hoping for that one nugget of wisdom that will spark everything into forward motion for you because I don't claim to have all the answers.

However…

I can share my experience with you.  I can tell you what’s not working and what seems like it could work.  I can verbally hold your hand as we muddle through this shared human experience together.  I can offer you hope.  I have hope that I won’t always be a victim of my past forever.  I have hope that one day all the love and blessings that have been bestowed upon me will be good enough for me.     

If I did have a magic key that could lock up the demons of my past forever, that key would be persistence.  I know how to change and I think deep down you know how too.  Doing the same things or thinking the same way will give you the same results.  All the positive things I tell myself, all the reasoning and recognizing of my triggers – all this crap works!  It just doesn’t work all the time.  It works kind of like this:

I have my ups and downs, but over time, I'm progressively doing better.

I like to read that letter I wrote whenever I feel like I’m that hurting, fifteen-year-old again.  It’s like I’m reaching back in time to tell her that it’s all going to be okay. 

What often happens when I read it, however, is that I imagine my future self telling my present self that it’s all going to be okay.  From time to time, I still need the advice that I needed back then.  “Healing me today, is healing me in the past.”

When along for the ride, be steadfast by trusting the process.  By coaching your past self (like I did in my letter) and yourself now, you can gradually fill your head with all the right things and those thoughts will gradually mute the old thoughts that you don’t want anymore.  It just takes time.  Time and persistence.   

The Big Picture

On August 21^st, I left the office for awhile so that I could go for a walk outside and experience the solar eclipse.  "Don't stare at the sun," they say, so I didn't - I only stole a quick glance from time to time.  Unfortunately, it didn't meet my expectations.  I was expecting it to be obvious, to see the moon's dark shadow block out all but a glowing halo of the sun.  All I saw was the same sun that I see every day.

Though I didn't see the eclipse itself, I did see the effects of it.  I saw the gathering of different groups of people standing outside in various places around town.  Many of them had the special glasses you apparently needed in order to see the eclipse.  I also saw everything turn to a beautiful, dim, glow, like you see at dusk or when the sun shines through the dark clouds right after a storm. 

It’s disappointing when we feel like we’ve wasted our time and energy on something that didn’t pan out.  But the disappointment often comes from missing the bigger picture.  There are often discoveries to be made when we can take a step back.   

Can you think of a time when you saw the effects of something, without ever seeing that something?

Take the wind for example.  Even though we can’t see it, it turns the leaves and makes the trees sway and bow. 

When we complain about the rain, we’re not usually thinking about its role in making the beautiful greenery that surrounds us.  Or even further, the beauty of the fall, of all the colored leaves that would never have lived and fallen if it weren’t for those dreary, rainy days. 

Once we’re able to see the miraculous behind-the-scenes workings (of God, I believe), then we can learn to accept our misery, our pain.  We may not like it in the moment, but we can accept it because we know what kind of joy or strength it can lead to.

After a particular rough day, I asked my husband if he ever feels God's presence.  I admitted that I didn't and I feared that He has abandoned me, just like everyone else.  In my weakest moments, I reach out to Him, expecting to feel a sense of warmth around me, like a loving embrace, but I don't feel it.  My husband said that he doesn't get that sense either, but witnesses God all around us.  In a moment of relief, of meeting the right people at the right time, in nature, in a stranger's smile.  Then I realized that I do indeed experience God everyday.  Even though I can't see Him, I see the effects He has on the world for the better. 

I have found myself before, agonizing over details and minor situations within my life.  But when I take a step back and analyze my life with a level head, I realize that I am quite happy (or at the very least, content) with how things are turning out for me.  It’s only my perspective that changes. 

When along for the ride, sometimes the sun blinds us from seeing what’s really there.  It isn’t until we put on those special glasses that we’re able to see the moon pass over the sun. 

How to Let Go of the Past

The past is for looking back on pleasant memories, sharing stories with future generations, for making mistakes and learning life lessons.  It’s not meant for holding onto resentment or polluting your present or future with bitterness and regret.  It’s meant to shape you for who you are, but you get to choose how.  Will you hold onto every bad experience and every grudge?  Will you deny it completely until it creeps up on you unexpectedly and you're not prepared to deal with it?  Or will you hold onto it loosely, allowing it to make you stronger while ultimately choosing to live in the present?

Growing up in school, I really struggled to feel loved and accepted among my peers.  I felt isolated and misunderstood on a regular basis.  I felt invisible.  And with my current job, sometimes all these old feelings, all of the old pain, comes flooding back – and often feels unbearable. 

It’s so easy to judge these feelings.  I think things such as, “I’m an adult now, I should be over this,” or “I just wish I didn’t care” – but I do care.  I’m an emotional human being who feels deeply and that’s just part of who I am. 

A new approach would be this: The more you want to feel loved, try reaching out and loving others more.

It will often come full circle.  The more loving you are toward others, the more love you will likely receive in return.  Never expect it to return, however; that’s one way to set yourself up for disappointment.  We cannot control others, only ourselves, and if we choose to love others unconditionally, we can shield ourselves from the distress that comes with expecting anything from anyone in return. 

The more you want to feel loved, try being more loving toward yourself too. 

When I learn to love others without expecting anything in return – and I’m still learning that last part – I can avoid a lot of the emotional pain that I’ve caused myself from expecting others to respond in a certain way.  Remember, we cannot control others, only ourselves, and I am learning to be more loving toward myself by not judging myself or my past and reminding myself that I was only doing the best I could with what I knew at the time.     

There’s a phrase that I picked up in one of my therapy sessions that has stuck with me that I think of often: “Healing me today, is healing me in the past”.  I like this because it encourages me to be proactive.  It empowers me to want to do better, to be happier, and to be more accepting and loving of who I am because by doing so, I am helping my teenage self from the past (– from the dark times of my past, not my entire past – it’s important to remember the good times too.).  

Note that I don’t think that I’ve fully let go of the past.  It takes time, but, I am letting go of the past, as in, I am in the process of letting it go.  I continue to heal from it as I continue to take care of myself in the present.  I heal from it by accepting it and realizing that it has helped shape who I am today. 

When along for the ride, lighten your load by ditching unnecessary baggage from the past.   Accept the past, love and forgive others from your past, and love and forgive who you were back then too.  This will set you free.  Free to liberate yourself and journey on.