Facing the Storm

As I take on another substantial transition in my life, I knew I would have to do so carefully.  Not only did I just move back to my beautiful, peaceful home in Kentucky from the crowded, concrete ghetto of Los Angeles, but I moved back for good - and the permanence of it is a bit scary.  No more running.  I'm finally home.  So what do I do when I'm faced with a problem I want to get away from?  I won't be looking for ways to get around it.  This time, I'm facing the storm. 

A lot of us like things to remain the same.  It's comfortable to have routines and to know what to expect on a regular basis.  I am like this with some things, but for a long time I not only sought out change, but I thrived with change, chased it, craved it; so you see how settling down can be a bit daunting for me.  The thing is, I did need a change, but not necessarily in location.  You've probably heard the saying, "You can't run away from your problems."  I've learned this first hand by realizing that no matter where I move or who I meet, there are certain patterns, or things that I don't want following me.  That's when I realized that the real change needed to come from within.    

Here are three particular things that has helped me conquer challenges that I've faced during my latest transition:

1. Acceptance
2. Presence
3. Asking for help

Acceptance

There's a difference between accepting difficult situations in your life and just putting up with them.  Putting up with something leaves your mind as a breeding ground for negativity.  You may feel that although you're rolling with the punches, life has dealt you a bad hand.  When you're accepting, you don't make the problem about you.  You don't see yourself as a victim.  You don't have to like the problem, but it's easier to overcome because you're not associating yourself with the problem.  You think more along the lines of "This thing happened" and then you deal with it, rather than, "This bad thing happened to me" and then allowing yourself to go down the rabbit hole of negative thinking.

Something that has followed me ever since I was young was feeling ignored by everyone.  I often felt insignificant and wondered how I could change in order to feel more accepted.  When I moved to college, then to other places I've lived after that, I was hoping that the feeling would go away.  I thought that maybe I wouldn't be ignored by these other people that I haven't met yet.  Instead of looking for acceptance in others, however, I should have been looking for it in myself.  I have since taken steps to be more accepting of who I am.  For example, I'm an introvert and I always use to sense that others saw that as a bad quality, probably because they use to say things to me like, "Why don't you talk?" or, when I was on stage, "Be louder!  Project your voice!".  It was so unnatural for me to try and be someone I wasn't.  Stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks can be a good thing for sure, but I think there were times when instead of challenging myself, I denied myself completely.  Self-confidence is still something I'm actively working on, but I do have much more than I used to, and I've noticed a positive difference in my level of happiness.

  
Presence

A few months before I left Los Angeles, I knew there was a chance that I'd never be there again.  That thought forged me to live in the present.  I made sure I really savored my time there because I wanted to make sure I wouldn't have any regrets by the time I left.  I got out and did things, saw things, and met new people.  I had challenges and victories, moments of chaos and moments of peace.  I learned a lot of new things, including how to live on my own.  I wanted experiences and to really live there, not only do things that I could do anywhere, or worse, live unconsciously in my own head.

Asking for Help

I knew that once I got settled back home, that it was time I asked for help.  I didn't seek out professional help until 18 years later than I originally thought I needed to.  Eighteen years.  That was at least how long I let unhealthy patterns of thinking consume me.  But I have a regenerative spirit, meaning, I want to get better and I always look for ways to improve upon myself.  You have to want help and be vulnerable enough to let others in.  A lot of people never seek out any help from others because they see it as weakness when in reality, it not only takes a lot of courage to admit you're struggling with something, but getting the help you need will only make you stronger, and strong of course, is the opposite of weak.


When along for the ride, stay the course.  You may see short cuts or a clearer, easier path, but the sooner you accept the road you're on, are present for the journey, and allow someone else to take the wheel when you need it, then life will no longer pass you by because you'll be riding it - savoring it - the whole way.   

 

"I am Loving"

Magical things can take place right before you if you choose to open your heart and notice them.  I say this in regards to a bizarre, yet beautiful soul who rode the bus with me today.  Yes, this is another story of my observation of people on a bus that resonated with me.  But first, let me share a few things that were already on my mind.

For the past week, I have been meditating on positive affirmations each morning.  It's basically a list of things I tell myself with the goal of integrating them into my life and fully trusting that they are true.  For example, the last affirmation on my list that I've been telling myself each morning is, "I am loving."

I sometimes think that the older I get, I feel like most everyone I meet is some version of someone I've already met before.  I even had the horrible realization that I too often judge people negatively who I've come across with on a regular basis.  I've been handicapping myself into this view of 'me versus them'.  There are three things wrong with this: 1) 'versus' implies that people are out to hurt me in some way. 2) 'them' condenses everyone except myself into one group; it's an arrogant way of thinking because everyone is unique and has stories that I wouldn't even imagine. 3) it isolates me in a way that can harm my potential to connect with people.  How can I be more loving if I continue to think this way?

As a way to try and combat this crippling negativity, I told several strangers "I love you" today.  Alright, so it wasn't out loud, but in my mind.  But on the way home on the bus this afternoon, there was a man who did say it out loud.  On the same day I begin my philosophical quest to discover what it means to be more loving, God has already prepared a lesson.

When the man got on the bus, he addressed everyone.  I couldn't quote him word for word, but he said things like, "How are you all doing?  I love you all.  I got you.  You've been through a lot.  I got you."  I think a lot of people would say that this man is crazy, and he probably was honestly, but I think he said what I needed to hear in that moment.  He moved me and I even teared up a little.  He addressed everyone, but he looked at individuals.  What was also amazing, is that another man was brave enough to tell him that he loved him too.  How beautiful is that?  Two strangers sharing the love.

We don't have to know everyone's stories, their history, or anything for that matter in order to love them.  Seriously, we don't.  Love them because they are human, just like you.  I am saddened when I hear the word "hate" get thrown around like it's just some curse word.  If I hated anything, it would be hate itself.  To me, hate is the opposite of love therefore how can you have room in your heart to love someone if you hate them?  Love your enemies too.  I know it may sound like a hippie thing to say or naïve even, but I still understand anger.  You can be angry at someone and still love them.  You can never want to see a certain person again and still love them.  You can love a perfect stranger.  It is possible.  As you go along for the ride that is your life, tell yourself "I am loving" and be open to discover how to be just that.