Vulnerability. Some see it as a sign of weakness but I like to see it as just the opposite. It's brave. It's placing yourself in the line of fire in order to, let's say, have a real connection with someone. As one definition states, it's "...offering an opening to criticism." Offering. It's intentionally opening yourself up even when you know there are risks of getting hurt. When you harden your heart and put up walls, you're not being open. What's the worst that could happen if you were to share your true self with the world? Is the real conflict actually within ourselves? For me, it was...
I had conditioned myself to not be my whole self around anyone who was starting to creep into the 'friend' category. As a matter of fact, the meaning of that particular 'f' word became very confusing to me. I didn't understand it; it had a negative connotation to me. It became a very ugly word to me because whenever I let myself be me and fully open up to one of these 'friends', I felt completely exposed and violated when they faded me out of their lives. They got more and more distant until they ignored me altogether and I finally took the hint that they were no longer interested in having a relationship with me. I took this personally. I would think, "What's wrong with me? This person knows all this sensitive information about me, I completely opened up to them, and I'm not good enough for them to want to stick around?" As soon as I realized that this was becoming a trend, up came the walls.
I have to say, I still struggle with this. It's hard for me to trust anyone. But I know that if we are rejected by someone, it doesn't mean that we need to change who we are. I am gradually learning to step out into the open again, but this time I am prepared to deal with any feelings of rejection. I'm not saying that we should always anticipate being shot down - we don't want to go through life feeling ominous all the time. Don't be afraid to get your hopes up. Happiness is a state of being, not a destination, so let's practice being happy in the present moment. Getting your hopes up for something that doesn't pan out is, to me, better than being in constant fear of failure.
So to sum things up, why do I stress that we be vulnerable when doing so can cause so much pain? First off, we give value to our pain. What makes it painful is our lack of confidence in ourselves. When we learn to love ourselves, what other people think of us will no longer matter. Don't jeopardize who you are in order to be a people pleaser. Respect yourself enough to be true to who you are always. The people who are along for the ride in our lives come and go and some stay, but if they go, trust that you are all the more better now for having that person in your life at that time.
