Yesterday, my parents had cut down a few dead trees around the property and I helped load the wood in a wagon and drive it off to the fire pit. It always made me a little sad to see trees get cut down and burned up, yet it feels like I'm doing the same to myself. As I continue to battle depression and anxiety, it feels like the image I've had of myself as this poor, sad girl is dying. Sometimes I still see her reflection, but she's fading away. It should be so wonderful to see myself as the strong, healthy, happy, woman that I am becoming, but it still feels sad to see something that I've held on to for so long slip away - no matter how good or bad that thing was.
If you're in a similar stage in your life, then you may know a thing or two about persistence, about getting back up when you didn't feel like you could ever get back up again.
But here you are.
You are in your own personal Renaissance.
It isn’t time to reap any rewards. It’s time to earn those rewards. Put in the work, get your hands dirty and do the tough part. Stop delegating all the hard parts to your future self; that’s not fair to him/her (not fair to you). Enough of this surface level 'learning'. It’s time to focus and delve into the depths of what knowledge you’re really trying to acquire. This isn’t a time to be lazy with your learning anymore. It’s okay to reach out for help and for information from other people, but only after you’ve exhausted your ability to learn first. No one knows you more that you know you – not your parents, not your spouse, not even Google – so stop asking him so many damn questions. You know most of the answers anyway. Trust yourself. You’ve been cramming random facts, thoughts and philosophies into your mind for years and now it’s time to do some spring cleaning up there. It’s time to subtract, to throw out all the crap that doesn’t feel true to you anymore, that no longer serves you. There will be growing pains as you go through this transition and you can remind yourself to be grateful and accepting of it because that’s how you know that you’re on the right path. The best things in life rarely come easy. Mental toughness, practice, failure, and persistence are what will be required of you. So feel your feelings, cry, laugh, grieve, rejoice in the little victories along the way, but know when to wipe away the tears, get up and hit the ground running again.
We are amidst a thunderstorm. Instead of avoiding it like we've been conditioned to, this time we're going to face it, because that's the only way to sunny skies. The road gets bumpy sometimes when you're along for the ride, but that's no reason to stop. You keep going because you are worth the journey.
