A lot of us like things to remain the same. It's comfortable to have routines and to know what to expect on a regular basis. I am like this with some things, but for a long time I not only sought out change, but I thrived with change, chased it, craved it; so you see how settling down can be a bit daunting for me. The thing is, I did need a change, but not necessarily in location. You've probably heard the saying, "You can't run away from your problems." I've learned this first hand by realizing that no matter where I move or who I meet, there are certain patterns, or things that I don't want following me. That's when I realized that the real change needed to come from within.
Here are three particular things that has helped me conquer challenges that I've faced during my latest transition:
- Acceptance
- Presence
- Asking for help
Acceptance
There's a difference between accepting difficult situations in your life and just putting up with them. Putting up with something leaves your mind as a breeding ground for negativity. You may feel that although you're rolling with the punches, life has dealt you a bad hand. When you're accepting, you don't make the problem about you. You don't see yourself as a victim. You don't have to like the problem, but it's easier to overcome because you're not associating yourself with the problem. You think more along the lines of "This thing happened" and then you deal with it, rather than, "This bad thing happened to me" and then allowing yourself to go down the rabbit hole of negative thinking.
Something that has followed me ever since I was young was feeling ignored by everyone. I often felt insignificant and wondered how I could change in order to feel more accepted. When I moved to college, then to other places I've lived after that, I was hoping that the feeling would go away. I thought that maybe I wouldn't be ignored by these other people that I haven't met yet. Instead of looking for acceptance in others, however, I should have been looking for it in myself. I have since taken steps to be more accepting of who I am. For example, I'm an introvert and I always use to sense that others saw that as a bad quality, probably because they use to say things to me like, "Why don't you talk?" or, when I was on stage, "Be louder! Project your voice!". It was so unnatural for me to try and be someone I wasn't. Stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks can be a good thing for sure, but I think there were times when instead of challenging myself, I denied myself completely. Self-confidence is still something I'm actively working on, but I do have much more than I used to, and I've noticed a positive difference in my level of happiness.
Presence
A few months before I left Los Angeles, I knew there was a chance that I'd never be there again. That thought forged me to live in the present. I made sure I really savored my time there because I wanted to make sure I wouldn't have any regrets by the time I left. I got out and did things, saw things, and met new people. I had challenges and victories, moments of chaos and moments of peace. I learned a lot of new things, including how to live on my own. I wanted experiences and to really live there, not only do things that I could do anywhere, or worse, live unconsciously in my own head.
There's a difference between accepting difficult situations in your life and just putting up with them. Putting up with something leaves your mind as a breeding ground for negativity. You may feel that although you're rolling with the punches, life has dealt you a bad hand. When you're accepting, you don't make the problem about you. You don't see yourself as a victim. You don't have to like the problem, but it's easier to overcome because you're not associating yourself with the problem. You think more along the lines of "This thing happened" and then you deal with it, rather than, "This bad thing happened to me" and then allowing yourself to go down the rabbit hole of negative thinking.
Something that has followed me ever since I was young was feeling ignored by everyone. I often felt insignificant and wondered how I could change in order to feel more accepted. When I moved to college, then to other places I've lived after that, I was hoping that the feeling would go away. I thought that maybe I wouldn't be ignored by these other people that I haven't met yet. Instead of looking for acceptance in others, however, I should have been looking for it in myself. I have since taken steps to be more accepting of who I am. For example, I'm an introvert and I always use to sense that others saw that as a bad quality, probably because they use to say things to me like, "Why don't you talk?" or, when I was on stage, "Be louder! Project your voice!". It was so unnatural for me to try and be someone I wasn't. Stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks can be a good thing for sure, but I think there were times when instead of challenging myself, I denied myself completely. Self-confidence is still something I'm actively working on, but I do have much more than I used to, and I've noticed a positive difference in my level of happiness.
Presence
A few months before I left Los Angeles, I knew there was a chance that I'd never be there again. That thought forged me to live in the present. I made sure I really savored my time there because I wanted to make sure I wouldn't have any regrets by the time I left. I got out and did things, saw things, and met new people. I had challenges and victories, moments of chaos and moments of peace. I learned a lot of new things, including how to live on my own. I wanted experiences and to really live there, not only do things that I could do anywhere, or worse, live unconsciously in my own head.
Asking for Help
I knew that once I got settled back home, that it was time I asked for help. I didn't seek out professional help until 18 years later than I originally thought I needed to. Eighteen years. That was at least how long I let unhealthy patterns of thinking consume me. But I have a regenerative spirit, meaning, I want to get better and I always look for ways to improve upon myself. You have to want help and be vulnerable enough to let others in. A lot of people never seek out any help from others because they see it as weakness when in reality, it not only takes a lot of courage to admit you're struggling with something, but getting the help you need will only make you stronger, and strong of course, is the opposite of weak.
When along for the ride, stay the course. You may see short cuts or a clearer, easier path, but the sooner you accept the road you're on, are present for the journey, and allow someone else to take the wheel when you need it, then life will no longer pass you by because you'll be riding it - savoring it - the whole way.
When along for the ride, stay the course. You may see short cuts or a clearer, easier path, but the sooner you accept the road you're on, are present for the journey, and allow someone else to take the wheel when you need it, then life will no longer pass you by because you'll be riding it - savoring it - the whole way.
