I have these dreams, BIG dreams of what I want to do for a living. I'm tired of dragging my butt day in and day out to a place where I don't want to be. I've had a variety of different jobs over the years: car detailer, cashier, costume shop assistant, cook, server, teacher, front desk attendant, accountant... and I'm constantly job hunting and thinking to myself as I drive past businesses, "I wonder what it's like to work there?" The trouble is, I can't imagine working at ANY of these jobs for years and years until I retire. If I could imagine it, I suppose I would just pick a company and stay put as I climb the corporate ladder; I mean, I think my life would be a lot easier that way.
The way I see it, (assuming you work a typical 8 hour day/5 days a week) you spend about 1/3 of your day working, 1/3 sleeping, and 1/3 (plus weekends) doing whatever else it is that you do. One third of you day, for five whole days, every week until you retire... that takes up a huge chunk of your life. I don't want to spend all that time being miserable, I want to spend it being happy and that is why it is so important to do something you love. I believe that that something is worth fighting for.
For me, that something is acting. Perfect. I just have to want one of the most competitive career paths out there. Great. So naturally, I decided to move to the most competitive acting market - Los Angeles. At least I never fooled myself into thinking this was going to be easy.
I'm married and I currently live alone. This has to be the hardest sacrifice that me and my husband has made. After finally finding an apartment (a crappy one turns out, but a roof over my head nonetheless) and moving across the country, we unloaded the moving truck and the next day my husband was on a flight back to Kentucky. He went back to his job so that he could keep earning that paycheck to support my BIG dreams.
One day I was on the phone with my brother talking about how hard it is being apart from my husband when he said this one word: "Choice." It stuck with me. He meant that it was my choice to be in this situation. I chose to come to LA before my husband had a job lined up out here. I deserve no pity.
We're both trying to get work so that we can be reunited once again (awww!). If he would have quit his job and moved out here before either of us gets work lined up, we'd be taking the risk of running out of money and having to move back home and that would be a huge setback to try to build up funds and start all over again. In case you haven't heard, LA is expensive. It's also where most film and television job opportunities are so here I am.
Alone.
We were apart for almost two months until I received the good news that he was coming to see me for our 5th year anniversary weekend. I got the phone call on the train ride back to LA from my sister's during the 4th of July weekend. You can read about my adventures from that trip in my last blog, Hidden Pathways.
"Really?" That was my reaction to the news and after he said yes, as if I didn't believe him the first time - in case he was joking, I asked again, "Really?!" I guess in my mind, two yeses equal the confirmed truth because I noticed that this was my similar reaction when he asked me to marry him - two reallys? followed by a yes!
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help." Ecclesiastes 3:1.
I decided that I needed to be one hundred percent present in each moment I was with him because honestly, I wasn't sure when I'd get to see him again after that weekend. I found myself studying his face, wanting to get up the same time as him in the mornings, helping him out in the kitchen when he cooked for me; I'd look over to him and think, "He's here, not for too long but right now in this moment, he's here."
We agreed. Being sad about him leaving is better than him not coming at all. How many of us avoid situations or push people away because we're afraid of getting hurt? I cried all the way home that day after I dropped him off at the airport but each one of those tears was worth it; it was worth the time I got to spend with my husband. Always choose to let love in. Don't assume you'll get another chance down the road because you might not. If you get hurt in the process, just know that wounds will heal, so why not take that chance? Who will you let come along for the ride with you?
I hope that you choose to fight for your happiness instead of settling for the easy route. Know that this means there will be hardships along the way and sacrifices to be made, but with a strong will to succeed and the vulnerability to lean on a shoulder when you need to, you can achieve anything.
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